I really dont mind who goes first but i enjoy blowjobs and anything face to face. I like to be on top like most guys and i really enjoy eating a girl out. Partially so she can return the favor but i just see it as a challenge because girls are so much more complicated sexually. (Human anatomy genius here) I see pleasuring my girlfriend as more important than my own pleasure. As far as self esteem goes I have had problems but when it comes to being in bed not really